Jonah had stomach cramps all morning today. It rained, no poured. Layna "needed" special attention. My goal today: get out of the house. I decided to try for a walk around the block between downpours. All looked good. Jonah successfully in the moby; Layna with her backpack monkey and leash. (she's a flight risk)
I was smart enough to bring a Binky. I was not smart enough to time the walk right before Jonah needed to eat. We started off pleasantly enough. Layna balanced on fallen logs. She ran and played and Jonah seemed to be down for a nap.
"Whimper, Whimper"
Baby is now crying. I got this. Stuff the Binky in his mouth. It's only around the block and we're a quarter of the way there. Layna now decides that every single gravel driveway needs her very special attention. Pick up the rocks, throw them back down and repeat. I patiently wait at the first couple of driveways. The "whimper, whimper" has now progressed to a "scream, scream". Really, it's time to go home. Halfway there.
I let Layna know that it's time to get a move on. She looks at me and says "I carry you." Her way of asking to be picked up. Little arms outstretched. In the moment I'm so irritated! Irritated because she's whining, because she can walk, but most of all because there is only one of me and I'm already carrying Jonah. I can't pick her up and carry her. I feel so inadequate like I've somehow let her down in a major way. I tell her "Sorry, I can hold your hand or you can walk on your own."
Temper tantrum ensues. Butt firmly planted on the ground with theatrical wails echoing off the houses. (okay, not quite that bad). I fight the urge to pull on her monkey backpack and drag her home like a rag doll. Jonah is trying not to gag on the pacifier that I keep shoving in his mouth. I take a deep breath and look at my two children. Sigh. Too exhausted I look at Layna and say "Jonah needs to eat, we need to get home now! I know this is very very hard for you."
She eyes me, all wails have ceased. Takes my hand and starts to walk home saying:
"mamma it's so hard mamma, it's so hard." over and over. If I weren't so tired I'd probably laugh or think how precious. We get home. Every rule is broken. She gets a big piece of cake for snack, and curious george gets put on while I try to feed Jonah and get my bearings.
This will get easier!
I was smart enough to bring a Binky. I was not smart enough to time the walk right before Jonah needed to eat. We started off pleasantly enough. Layna balanced on fallen logs. She ran and played and Jonah seemed to be down for a nap.
"Whimper, Whimper"
Baby is now crying. I got this. Stuff the Binky in his mouth. It's only around the block and we're a quarter of the way there. Layna now decides that every single gravel driveway needs her very special attention. Pick up the rocks, throw them back down and repeat. I patiently wait at the first couple of driveways. The "whimper, whimper" has now progressed to a "scream, scream". Really, it's time to go home. Halfway there.
I let Layna know that it's time to get a move on. She looks at me and says "I carry you." Her way of asking to be picked up. Little arms outstretched. In the moment I'm so irritated! Irritated because she's whining, because she can walk, but most of all because there is only one of me and I'm already carrying Jonah. I can't pick her up and carry her. I feel so inadequate like I've somehow let her down in a major way. I tell her "Sorry, I can hold your hand or you can walk on your own."
Temper tantrum ensues. Butt firmly planted on the ground with theatrical wails echoing off the houses. (okay, not quite that bad). I fight the urge to pull on her monkey backpack and drag her home like a rag doll. Jonah is trying not to gag on the pacifier that I keep shoving in his mouth. I take a deep breath and look at my two children. Sigh. Too exhausted I look at Layna and say "Jonah needs to eat, we need to get home now! I know this is very very hard for you."
She eyes me, all wails have ceased. Takes my hand and starts to walk home saying:
"mamma it's so hard mamma, it's so hard." over and over. If I weren't so tired I'd probably laugh or think how precious. We get home. Every rule is broken. She gets a big piece of cake for snack, and curious george gets put on while I try to feed Jonah and get my bearings.
This will get easier!
It does get easier. I remember calling Jon to come home to help with William so I could have just ten quiet minutes to nurse David and put him down. Two year old tantrums... That happened several times. Then we found out it was the caffeine in the tea we gave him (he learned to love that sweet milky tea while we were still in Uganda). We switched to herbal tea, the melt downs stopped, and life was easier. And beyond that, they do grow up. You can reason with them. They can take some quiet time in their room before they get into trouble. And some day soon you'll be spending whole days outside in the sunshine with the kids running around and playing together. Some day you'll even have the energy back to run around with them (c: Hang in there. You're a terrific Mommy. And what a lovely blog you have! Despite lack of sleep, you are still taking wonderful pictures. I love your garden!
ReplyDeleteOh how you took me back to when my girls were smaller. It's a hard transition to two and an adjustment for everyone! I remember craziness when Jordyn (3rd girl) was born and i'd be trying to nurse and Kaelyn (2nd) would be peeing in her pants or needing help in the bathroom cuz she was potty training. And feeling so frustrated and unhelpful because I was nursing and couldn't pull up pants at the same time. Then Liana (1st girl) would be asking me for a drink over and over again. ha ha I can laugh at the insanity now but when you're in it and exhausted it's hard. It's survival. It will get easier! I promise! =)
ReplyDeleteKeep hangen on! You're a strong Mama!