I'm slowly disappearing
into cloth diapers and laundry
a couple of loads each dayspinning in monotony
I'm slowly disappearing
into cooking and meal planning
organic vs nonorganic
dishes piled in the sink
finished just to realize that it's never ending
I'm slowy disappearing
into sorting toys and clothes
putting them away
to have them all taken out
thrown about
and spread in an endless network across our floors
I'm slowly disappearing
into baby talks and coos
two year old reprimands and conversations
going days without uninterrupted adult thoughts, words, ideas
I'm slowly disappearing
into this beast called motherhood
slicing parts of myself out
forgetting old dreams or how to dream new ones
I'm slowly disappearing
does anyone notice
or has the mom in me become all that matters
*Added thought*
I love my children very much. I'm so thankful and greatful to be their mom almost all of the time :). Being true to myself has always been a struggle for me and is just more so hightened by having children. These thoughts were born out of frustration with myself and this struggle.
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ReplyDeletejess,
ReplyDeletethis is a beautiful post. i know i use that word a lot on your blog. i need more words. it is true and honest and the image haunts the writing...i am sure so many moms feel what you feel.
and, i noticed. the heaviness. the struggle. but i still saw you, and the person under the mom, and someone once told me, when i was hating how my job was taking over my life/identity- to be grateful for the tension, to be grateful to not accept this as reality. it is proof that you are there and not consenting to things.
okay, enough said, for now. keep writing!
Hi Jessica
ReplyDeleteDo you mind me using the picture as the cover for my latest book.
You can see a mockup (only a mockup) of it at:
http://www.daisyweal.co.uk/image.html
Email me:
ravjacobs@hotmail.com