6 going on "those horrible teenage years"

I feel like my time with my daughter is marked in birthdays. She turned two and turned into a monster for a year where we had many battles of the wills and I thought that I had a horrible child and was a horrible mother much of the time. She turned three and all was love and snuggles and fun (for the most part). Four and five were much the same. She turned six a month ago and has turned into a sullen 6 year old teenager. It's so hard to see the things in your child that you don't love in yourself. I look at her so many times and think. "Oh, I wish that you didn't have that like I did, I don't wish that for you, I know the pain that this character trait will bring you." That along with her and my very similar stubborn streaks, very similar character traits and very similar strengths and weaknesses can make our relationship frustrating at times. I want her to find out for herself and explore her character on her own, but man it's hard to see her make mistakes that I have made, get hurt the way I was hurt and put up walls that are so similar to walls I have.

Today she decided to run away. We've been having a rough two weeks. She informed me today that She wished she didn't live here with me and Jonah. I asked her to talk to me about why (I don't let her do what she wants, never listen...) so I said to go talk to her daddy about it (probably the same thing that calms me in him also calms her and makes her much more responsive to him) and she said that she doesn't mind her daddy just the two of us. I let her pack her bag (it included two sets of shoes, bananas, toys and clothes not bad really). Kimi came out of the shower, looked at the situation and said. what are you doing? What was I doing? Honestly, I was done. Every suggestion or question these days is responded to with a whiny or yelling "I don't want to" or "no". Time outs don't seem to help and talking it through gets me more "I don't knows" So I decided that if she wanted to run away I'd see how far she would get. We are so similar that sometimes the stubbornness gets the best of both of us and we push each other's buttons. Kimi had a long chat with her and I a much needed moment to myself. How to parent her well? How to let her feel independent yet loved and cared for? As any other parent I struggle with these questions. I do believe that she probably would have walked out and with her backpack gone to Sammi's (a friend who lives up the road) for "two days and one night". I have no answers but am thankful for a co-parent in this. Sometimes that's the best I can do. "go talk to your dad."