Lessons learned

I had every intention of being that international person that says goodbye well and meaningfully. That friend that takes the time to celebrate friendships and treasures the memories. Sometimes it's just not possible. I have no space in my life this year which is a choice. Having just completed a whirl wind of a week at work (3 full days writing curriculum for specialty nursing, goodbye party that I had to throw for myself - no biggy, attending midyear conference and evaluation of the program, teaching) while still trying to finish up, pack up, (for now), write papers etc. my body has decided to say enough and hit me with a wallop of a cold/virus. Don't feel sorry for me. I chose to do it this way. So no, I will not be saying good bye well to almost all the people I have worked with this year but they are so appreciated.

I went into this year having one really main goal which was to not care who gets credit for work done and to keep my mouth shut most of the time (okay, so that's two). I think I have been pretty successful in the completion of those goals. What I've learned is that most of the time someone else will say what you are thinking sometimes in a poorer and sometimes in a much more eloquent fashion and that when you are quieter people actually think that you know something. I was worried that keeping my opinions to myself would cause people to think that I'd be stupid or not knowledgeable. I mean how else can I show how awesomely smart I am if I don't say anything? Now I think, some are under the misconception that I actually know more than I do. I have learned so incredibly much from people here and feel very inadequate to a lot of the talent, minds and ideas that I have been exposed to.

The other thing that I have learned is that I need to stop saying sorry. It was mentioned to me in Seattle, where it was automatically shoved on a back burner but recently mentioned to me by a co-worker and my husband again. It has become a sort of stichwort (German) or stick word as I like to translate it. I'll start each sentence saying I'm sorry, but may we could think about XYZ or Ayumi, I'm sorry but that is not a good choice go to time out. It's really annoying because I'm not actually sorry and because it's just a poor choice of communication. I want to not come across as a bulldozer that says let's do this and somehow think that using that word will make it more palatable for people.

So here's to saying less I'm sorry's and to keeping my mouth shut a while longer (though it is getting harder and harder)